Contact us.
Questions, custom requests, suspicious lawn activity—we’re listening from a safe distance.
Send a tiny message.
We’re mostly reachable.
Email: dispatch@gnomes2go.com
Phone: 1-800-GNO-MORE
Head shed: Somewhere behind the rosemary
Response time: Usually within one business day, unless the team gets distracted by a decorative windmill.
Gnome FAQ.
Are these actual products?
This is a comedy demo site. The cart works locally in your browser, but checkout intentionally does not process payment.
Are your gnomes weatherproof?
Emotionally, no. Physically, the fictional product team says “probably.”
Can I send a gnome anonymously?
Yes in spirit. For a real store, connect the site to an ecommerce platform and shipping provider first.
What is the return policy?
Thirty days, provided the gnome has not joined a union, married into the family, or become essential to the garden ecosystem.
What if my gnome moves at night?
Reset your outdoor camera, get more sleep, and under no circumstances follow the tiny footprints.